hatejakku | maskormenace : IC Contact

[ A slight delay, this time. Was Finn talking about work, or them? ]

i'm fine, i'm not that fragile
i'd rather just be there, even if it meant getting a bit hurt
balances out to the better

yeah just
waiting for word that i'm good to go
forcing it not likely to help my case

[ Finn officially has no idea what they're talking about. ]

they're probably trying to do everything they can to not hurt you right now. even if it hurts themselves. i doubt they think you're fragile. they just

care about you i guess

why risk getting hurt? why not play it safe?

finn

i crash planes for a living

at least when i'm not home blowing up ships and trying not to be dead by the next morning

pain avoidance just sounds like a huge waste of time i don't have

Edited 2019-02-05 00:12 (UTC)

[ Finn... rolls his eyes. ]

You're a test pilot who can literally fly anything. the goal isn't to actually crash. they want you to be at your best and happiest and brightest and that includes not hurting you more

and of course its not a waste of time. avoiding pain is really worth a lot of time

not when it means you can't
look

are we talking about the same thing

because i get the space thing i really do but i don't think it's avoiding pain so much as just making it worse

i swear i get it
it's not like i want to hurt you
i just

i promise i won't make it weird, okay?

i'm sorry i lied about it i just

i just didn't want it to be like this and now it's like this anyway and i don't think not going home is helping that

so just

can i just come home

you can punch me or something instead

Edited 2019-02-05 00:42 (UTC)

[ A delay in which the fish from the aquarium Finn's leaning back against start to crowd around him as if they're trying to say that his face is going to stick like that if he doesn't move.

Then: ]

what the hell are you talking about?

[ He was going to leave it at that. Really. But he- he can't- ]

what do you mean can you come home? you haven't been home? where have you been? you just got out of the hospital why didnt you go home i told you i would stay away so you could go home

i was trying not to hurt YOU

i was staying away so as not to hurt YOU

thats what you said. you said me being there made it worse. you said that. what are you doing. why arent you at home.

[ HE'S GOING TO MAKE HIMSELF STOP NOW ]

i never said that??

why the fuck would i say that

you said you wanted space?? so i was giving you space
i thought we were going to talk about it again but then you didn't come when i got discharged so i thought you definitely wanted space?? i've been staying at 622's

why the hell would it hurt me less to not talk to you at all that is the dumbest thing i've ever heard

Edited 2019-02-05 01:18 (UTC)

i never said i wanted space

[ ~~Is this what a stroke feels like???~~ Finn grips his temples then flaps his arms, scaring the fish. ]

you were hurting, i asked how to fix it, you said it can't be fixed so long as i was there, i suggested not being there anymore and you agreed. or that's the conversation that i was in

you looked miserable when they were going to discharge you. i wasn't about to try talking to you again. because that went so well last time

[ Though, all of that said, it was probably best that Poe was with someone just in case. Finn's still going to fume about it, though. ]

no i said it just can't be fixed
it can't be fixed, it happened, of course it can't be fixed, if things like that could be fixed we wouldn't get sad about them in the first place

even if my mom got ported here it's not like i would stop feeling bad about her death

[ Great!! Now he really missed his mom!! ]

you were the one who said that you shouldn't be around me
what the hell else is that supposed to mean
other than wanting space

so yeah i was miserable
how was i supposed to not be miserable i hate it when we don't talk

damn it i can't believe i'm fighting with you over text again

look

just

obviously we got our wires crossed

you're like my best friend, finn, and you're all i've got of home and i don't care about all the other shit

yeah it hurts but i'm not going to fuck off over it?

what would be the point

i can deal

i didn't say i shouldn't be around you

if you told me why it hurt then maybe i could fix it

i hate it when we don't talk too i didn't know you

i wish i was your best friend but im hardly

im sorry about your mom i didn't mean to

[ Finn took a deep breath and put the comm down for a minute...

He knew his pain was selfish. He didn't want to feel guilty every time he enjoyed spending time with Poe. He didn't want to know that he was hurting Poe every time they were near each other.

He just wanted things back to normal, too, whatever that might have been.

But another selfish part of him just really missed Poe.

So after... quite a while: ]

sorry

i just didn't want you to have to deal because of me

but its okay if we talk about it?

[ Finn had noticed the 'again.' He didn't want to know, maybe just a little bit bitter about this other Finn who fought with Poe before. ]

it's not because of you, though, it's not your fault

i'd rather deal with it than not

and no i'm sorry
i know i should have told you

so yeah

talking is probably a good idea
I'm just not great at it
obviously

[ Not your fault, Poe says. Finn just... breathes and lets that one go. ]

i dont think im great at it either

i dont know where to start

and i know you should have told me but i get it now. i forgive you. its okay

[ It's sort of okay but he'll make it okay if it means fixing something. ]

listen you can go home whenever you want. i never meant for that to happen all right?

maybe a better conversation for in person

[ There was a long pause. ]

if i go home are you going to be there?

~~If you want me to be~~

yes
i'll be there

[ Risky. So damn risky. But it's sent. ]

[ He let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. ]

okay

i'll come home, then

i'll see you there

okay

[ Finn swallowed hard before getting up to find his boss. Turned out he wasn't going to be working overtime today after all. Poe didn't say when he'd be back, maybe even days later, but Finn had every intention of being there.

He hated being so scared of seeing Poe. ]

[ It wasn't days later. It was maybe an hour later that Poe was walking back onto the grounds of Base One.

Knowing that both Kaytoo and Skeets were gone made the place feel even emptier than it was before - almost foreboding in a way that had nothing to do with Finn. Not for the first time, he wondered it he had made a huge mistake in building this place. He'd thought it'd finally felt worth it, when Finn had come back and been so pleased, but--

Well.

Finn was obviously not pleased anymore.

Poe sighed and stepped toward the building, scanning for Finn.]

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