hatejakku | erku: IC Contact

[ He does want to go home, that's true. Even if his whole crew was here, or all the people he cares about, he'd still want to go home. But meeting Finn has definitely made his resolve waver, and that's both exciting and terrifying, especially when it's all so new to him.

He holds Finn's hand tightly, and leans in to kiss him again, slower and warmer this time, lingering for a while, head dropping to rest on Finn's shoulder once that contact breaks. Words are just there at the tip of his tongue, but he can't force them out, so he shudders instead. ]

Sorry. [ He laughs a little, pulling back and smiling apologetically. ] Guess I'm just a little emotional today.

[ Finn's hand rests on the nape of his neck while he's pressed against him, nuzzling lightly before Jim pulls away. ]

Don't be sorry.

[ Never be sorry for being emotional, of all things. Though, it is a heavy topic, isn't it? Whatever this is that they share on top of how temporary places like this are. But at least he's made James happy in the interim. That's a lot.

He lifts his hand and presses a gentle kiss to the knuckles. ]

That's part of today, right? Being happy and emotional together?

[ Jim chuckles when Finn kisses his knuckles, nodding at the words. ]

Right. Yes, it's partly about that.

[ But that's not really the reason why he's nervous, is it? Anyway, that can definitely wait. Jim leans in for a kiss to Finn's cheek, then he shifts back into his seat properly, scooting the chair forward and closer to the table as he clears his throat. ]

Come on, I'll serve you.

[ He slices the pizza into squares, moving a couple of them onto Finn's plate, then two other onto his own, also helping himself to one of the two last slices of toast. ]

[ Partly? To be fair, Finn doesn't know anything about these holidays beyond the basics. Give gifts, spend time with loved ones, make others happy, etc. That seems to be the common theme.

So he doesn't question it and promptly forgets when food is put in front of him. Less so because of the food and more so because of the gesture, his smile wide and warm because of it.

Instead of saying something that would just be a repeat of himself ("thank you" or "it look amazing" or what have you), Finn tries out his piece. It's still a bit hot which makes him laugh around his mouthful but, hey, it's really good. Instead of talking with his mouthful, he just nods and chews with a big smile. ]

[ It's not like Jim's celebrated Christmas before either, but any holiday that's meant to spend time with loved ones and show his appreciation for them he'll take. Plus, he likes giving gifts, all the more so when he gets a reaction like Finn's.

Jim smiles and chuckles when Finn takes a bite from the pizza and nods approvingly. Good. Well, it did smell great before, so Jim was pretty confident it'd come out alright, but still. With a pleased hum, he takes a bite from one of his slices, eyebrows both raising as he chews and swallows it down. ]

Mm. Better than I thought.

[ Following Finn's lead, he also focuses on eating his meal for now, since there'll be plenty of time for them to talk later. ]

You did great.

[ There's a little laugh and smile there before Finn goes back to his food. For a guy who apparently didn't know anything about cooking a few months ago, the results are phenomenal. Finn can't help but feel a spark of pride about it.

He tucks into his meal then, and his portions of the pizza are gone before he really knows it. Finn then busies himself with snacking on another piece of James' fancy toast as if it were a dessert, smiling and happy all the while. He steals glances at James occasionally, just... stupidly delighted. Absolutely dumb with it. ]

You did an amazing job. [ He says between bites of his "dessert." ]

[ Jim's always been a fast learner, when it comes to... well, practically anything. Even with no prior knowledge about cooking, mere observation has taught him a lot, and once he had the basics down pat, it was just a matter of learning and following new recipes. ]

I'm glad. I was worried the dough wouldn't come out good, but I followed the recipe to the letter, and it worked pretty well.

[ He's very proud and stupidly delighted about this personal achievement too, for what it's worth. ]

I've also made dessert, but that was actually pretty easy. That one I kind of made up myself.

[ There are recipes floating around, huh? Finn's going to have to get into some of that. He was already planning on surprising James in a similar way right back eventually, so why not try something new while he was at it?

His eyebrows lift at the mention of a dessert. ]

Yeah? What'd you do?

[ There's so much fun to be had with sweet things. Plus, there are billions that Finn knows he hasn't so much as heard of yet. ]

[ Well, most of them are designed for a more sexual purpose. (Is anyone surprised by that, really?) But so far it's been easy enough to change and adapt, and beyond that he has managed to find at least one book with more basic kitchen tips and recipes. ]

Sort of a crumble? [ He laughs. ] I, uh... tried to make a pie, but the base fell apart. So now it's a fruit crumble.

[ Problem? More like a solution. ]

[ Finn's never heard of a 'crumble.' Isn't even sure if that's a real thing or something James has just made up. Probably real. Regardless- ]

Sounds delicious. [ He laughs. ] I haven't found a pie I don't like, anyway. And this sounds even better.

[ It's totally real, Bones has made plenty in the past. He knows what he's talking about here, okay. ]

Kinda hard to go wrong with pie, especially the sweet kind. It's made with a local fruit, though, so I guess it depends on whether or not you like that fruit.

[ He gets to his feet to go get the plate. It vaguely looks like an attempt was made to make a biscuit base, but having fallen apart, Jim just moved the crumbled pieces to the top of the fruit jam. There, a crumble.

He also gets two plates to serve onto as well as cutlery, sitting beside Finn again. ] Help yourself.

[ God, he's so totally charmed by this man and his pie turned crumble thing. God. Appetizers and dinner and dessert. It's ridiculous how smitten he is, adorable.

Finn's had no choice but to try a lot of the local foods and he's a fruit kind of guy. So, yeah, he's pretty sure he's going to like this, too. It's easy enough to do as told, spooning some of the crumble into his plate. ]

You really thought of everything tonight. [ He's already planning a cake or something in return, not that he believes Jim thinks he'll get something back. That's part of why Finn wants to. ]

Well, I tried.

[ Jim likes things just so. For someone who makes shit up on the fly when he's in a pinch, when he plans something like this he likes to make sure that everything is exactly as he pictured it, and yes, he is pretty pleased with his accomplishments tonight, ranging from decoration to cooking, involving everything else in-between.

There's plenty of crumble so Finn can help himself to however much he wants; once he's done, Jim takes some for himself as well, then digs in. He's had a taste before so he knows he likes it, but he's more curious about Finn's opinion. Then again he's got a feeling he could serve a block of charred cake and Finn would still say it was perfect. ]

[ And he would be absolutely right. Plus, Finn would totally mean it. James would have made it for him, after all. Of course, it's nothing less than perfect. But in this case, he really does love these dishes. They taste amazing, which just kinda compounds on all the warm feelings he's got going on.

So it's no surprise to anyone that he lights up after tasting it. The fruit's tangy, almost sour but in great, complimentary way. He hasn't had anything like it before. ]

This is so good. [ One sec, just taking a few more bites. ] Did you find a recipe for this, too?

[ Jim doesn't even care that much about eating what's on his place. He's much more interested in seeing whether Finn likes it, and he's stupidly happy when it's clear that he does. ]

Not, uh... not really. [ He laughs a bit at the mention of a recipe. ] I just tried to do the base on my own, which is probably why it fell apart. It was good, though, so I wasn't going to throw it away.

[ It's food! And food is especially scarce around here. Jim could never let it go to waste. ]

I think it's better. [ Finn would think that. Little bit messier than a traditional pie maybe? But it's fantastic so whatever.

Finn happily finishes off his plate pretty quickly, making sure he gets every sweet little crumb he can find. ] Maybe I can help make this with you one day. [ He wants to have all of these things again eventually maybe. Because they're for him and they're so good and it's made him stupidly happy. ]

And I think you're biased.

[ Obviously very biased, but Jim isn't about to complain. Maybe he enjoys Finn being incredibly biased when it comes to him. Small, casual reminders that Finn's feelings for him aren't going anywhere.

... not that he worries (often), but anyway. ]

I'd like that.

[ It's the thought of Finn and him cooking together in the kitchen that makes his heart go a little faster again, a mix of excitement and worry and happiness and nervousness all over again. It's all so terribly domestic, and he can't help but worry that Jim absolutely misread Finn's remark about moving in, that it was all just a joke and he doesn't want the kind of limitations that come with a commitment like that.

And there he goes, overthinking again. ]

I'd like that. A lot. [ God, he's so nervous he can't even finish his dessert. This is ridiculous. ] I want to cook all kinds of meals with you. And do other things together with you.

[ Finn, at first, only laughs about being biased. ] Maybe I am but that doesn't make it less true. [ Because, fact, James is the best and so is this dessert.

Not that he's thinking about it since he's still so very clueless, but Finn had completely meant the remark as a joke at the time. Not because he didn't want that with James but because he still can't imagine that kind of thing happening. Can't imagine that James would want that sort of thing with him, something that was very definitely not just 'roommates.'

Then again, as time goes on and James does things like giving him such thoughtful gifts or working hard on a dinner or just saying things like that, it makes the idea of reciprocation seem like not so much of a pipe dream, after all.

His smile turns warm and soft quickly enough. Given how it's spoken, the 'other things' bit doesn't entirely feel promiscuous, either. Which is fortunate, because Finn wants to do everything with him like a clingy little puppy. Unsurprising and as is usual when he has too much love to properly express, he gently takes Jim's hand in his and lifts it just enough to press a kiss to his knuckles. ]

Me, too. You never even have to ask.

[ Yeah, okay, never mind his dessert. He probably couldn't stomach it right now anyway, with how ridiculously nervous he is. And then Finn takes his hand and kisses his knuckles, and he says those words and Jim nearly shakes apart. ]

I do. I do have to ask, because this is— you are—

[ He pauses, mouth opening, closing, opening again, then groans in nervous frustration. Closing his eyes for a moment, he finally gets to his feet, still holding on Finn's hand and tugging on it. ]

Alright, come with me. I need to show you something.

[ Show, or ask, whatever. He does need to get this out of the way before he chickens out of it. Once Finn is up, Jim leads them to his bedroom, which has also been decorated to match the theme. There are some nicer fabrics hanging on the walls and over the window for a nicer, softer mood, some candles which haven't yet been lit, and rose petals strewn across the bed in a very over-the-top fashion. Jim was kind of planning on going through a whole different scenario but he feels like his nerves might get the best of him at this point, so the dancing together and cuddling on the couch before bed will have to wait. ]

[ The initial reaction catches him off-guard, and he instantly realizes that James is still nervous, after all. About what, he doesn't know, but it worries him that James does think he needs to request time together and just affection in general. Had Finn not been doing enough? Not been clear enough?

That's... unacceptable.

But he doesn't say anything while his smile slowly fades and James tries to figure out what to say. Stays quiet when they get up and he's lead away.

It takes him a second to take in the room. A smile wants to tug on his lips when he sees the unlit candles and then a smile does appear when he spies the flower petals on the bed. Stars, Jim couldn't be sweeter.

But Jim is also still nervous, which makes Finn nervous and guilty at once. He tries to keep the little smile, anyway, tries to get across that there's nothing to be nervous about no matter what's about to happen. ]

What's all this? [ If it weren't for the anxiety going around, Finn would no doubt be dead with happiness soon. And dancing was planned? Force save him. ]

[ Yes, yes, it's all very romantic and sweet, but it's not the decoration that Jim's brought Finn into the room for. Well, not this time around anyway. That was all part of his carefully laid out plan before (because obviously he'd put together a plan before and obsess over sticking to every tiny detail), but now he realizes that leaving this part for last was probably the worst idea when he can't handle how insecure he feels right now. ]

It's— for you. [ Obviously. Anyway, Jim shakes his head. ] We'll get to that in a moment.

[ He leads Finn towards the dresser instead, and opens the drawers. Well, just a couple of them, enough that Finn can see that Jim's clothes are only taking up half of each, neatly folded and tucked aside, leaving half of each drawer completely empty. The closet's been arranged the same way, even though Finn can't see it. ]

When were were on Peter's ship, that was nice. I mean, the blizzard sucked, but we had our own room and we spent a lot of time together and I really enjoyed it. A lot. I never thought I'd enjoy sharing so much of my personal space with someone else. But I did, even though the space was tiny and cramped and a little dark. I liked glancing over and seeing your clothes next to mine, and I liked going to sleep and waking up next to you every day.

[ Okay, this is closer. More like it. He should've just gone with this from the get go instead of overcomplicating everything. ]

I want that again. Every day, or— well, closer to it. [ His fingers tighten around Finn's hand. ] Move in with me.

[ There's a beat, a moment where it almost sounds like he's being too demanding. So he adds quickly. ] If you want. You don't have to, obviously.

[ The bed covered in rose petals getting totally glossed over also catches him off-guard. And then he's lead away again and James is opening random drawers and half of his clothes appear to be missing and what the hell is going on. Oh, stars, has Finn driven him to some weird breakdown? What's happening?

His expression is mostly blank only because he's trying to decide whether to be worried or sad or confused or some rough mix of it all, which is why all he's got for James is a blink when he turns back to him. And then they're talking about Peter and the blizzard and Finn just shuts his racing mind off to listen. This is all very confusing.

Despite the warmth spreading in his chest as the point finally starts to dawn on him, Finn's still a bit too shocked to react immediately. Needless to say, he hadn't expected tonight to go this way. Or any night, for that matter.

The anxiety and doubt tries to hit him first but it's not as effective as it used to be. James clearly knew what he was asking for, clearly knew that he wanted this. Them. This was more serious than just dating, though, being boyfriends and gooey about it. And there's a lot of implications to examine here, if he had the time. And consequences, too, for when they inevitably part ways.

He considers these implications and consequences for a brief second, then brushes them aside. That's later. This is now. And James is still nervous. Of all things, nervous about Finn's answer.

Said answer comes in the form of a slow but blinding smile, probably giving off the very true vibe that he could start crying if this got any sappier. ]

Yes... I- I mean, if you're sure. It doesn't have to- [ -be permanent. James could change his mind at any time, that's what he wants to say. No harm done, it'd be okay, they could just step back, blah blah blah. Finn's too checked out to really talk right now. ] ... I- I'd love to. Yes.

[ Sorry about that death grip on your hand, Jim. He doesn't notice. ]

[ He's definitely not trying to make Finn worry here, so... that's his bad. Whoops. Anyway, hopefully those worries are put to rest once he starts getting to the point, which he tries not to take too long to do. He doesn't want to hesitate, and he also doesn't want to leave Finn wondering if something's wrong with him.

As for the consequences and implications, Jim hasn't really thought about them much. Or he has, but then quickly decided that they're not nearly as important as the happiness that Finn makes him feel, the security, the warmth, the love that the other man gives him. The love that they share. Even if this might be doomed to not last (which, to be fair, neither of them have any idea if that's the case).

At least Finn's smiling. Oh. Good. Good, that's a good sign. Jim can actually feel the tension bleed out of him, and when he lets out a breath, it's shaky and audible and it matches a wide, unrestrained smile that spreads with across his features. He very nearly starts laughing nervously, but manages to hold it back, instead stepping closer to Finn. ]

I swear, Finn, if you'd just told me I don't have to do this I think I would've slapped you.

[ Well, not really, but Finn knows what he means. He doesn't do anything because he has to, he does it because he wants to, especially when it comes to them. ]

Okay. Yes. [ It's fine, his hand will survive that. He's too busy leaning in to kiss Finn to even give a crap about that grip. ]

[ Finn still doesn't know how to react to literally any of this, but he does finally get what he means, at least. James wants to give to him as much as he wants to give back. It shouldn't be as much of a revelation that it is, especially since James hasn't exactly been stingy with his giving nature towards Finn. He's practically given him everything already, after all.

But Finn's still getting used to this give and take sort of thing, this leaning on each other stuff. Sometimes, it does still hit like a revelation, and he hopes he never gets as spoiled as he suspects James wants him to be. He could never forgive himself if he weren't just as grateful as he is right now.

Instead of saying anything else (words really can't sum it up), Finn lets his hand slide over Jim's neck and into his hair before leaning into the kiss. It's one of those where he's smiling too much to make it functional but it's still slow enough to the point where he tries. ]

I love you...

[ Never mind. There are some words for this. ]

[ Well, this is a relationship, and Jim happened to be the one to suggest giving it a try to begin with. Granted, at the time Finn clearly had more feelings for him than the other way around, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a relationship, and for him that means some give and take. Not just because he feels like he has to, but because he wants to, and he likes to make Finn happy. It makes him happy too, in turn.

Right now, he could probably just melt into that kiss, get lost in the warmth that practically engulfs him when Finn's close to him like this. And when he tells him again that he loves him, Jim knows it's the time— it's the right time, the perfect time to just... say it back.

Except in a second that perfect time is gone, and he feels scared all over again. Instead he curls his arms tightly around Finn's neck, practically clinging to him as he buries his face in his neck. ]

erku: IC Contact

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