No, gods. No, I'm-- [she hiccups, gulps, and holds her breath for a few seconds before letting it out. it's the best she's got for getting a grip at the moment.]
Look. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, I just--I can't be here anymore, I can't, I can't stand it for a second, please. That--when you took me away -- to the forest? Please. You can even just. Just dump me there and leave, I don't care, okay!
[ Without much more warning, they're being pulled from one place and put into another, pulled then placed, just a few times until it's over and they're standing near the orchard at the base. ]
See? We're here. I'm not gonna dump you either. Was the trip okay? You okay?
[Cecelia peeks over her shoulder, sniffling, having had to really brace herself and clamp her eyes shut for that whole ride. it wasn't the best of feelings, but hey. she already wasn't feeling her best! why not rapid-fire motion-sickness in split-second flashes.
she gulps and tries to stifle herself to just simply shaking in place, blinking out the tears blurring her vision while still clinging to Finn's shirt like a cat stuck in a tree.
speaking of trees. trees.]
Oh... [sniff.] Oh, good. It's-- [so much quieter. thank gods. she wobbles a little before letting Finn go to just sink to the ground like her legs were just suddenly noodles. but goodness do tantrums take a lot out of you!]
[ Well, this seemed to be preferable. Whatever happened must have overwhelmed her a lot, Finn figures. Being in the middle of the city probably didn't help either.
He lowers himself to sit down next to her and doesn't ask no matter how badly he wants to. He really hopes this is nothing and she was just having a really bad day... But he also looks up at the Death Star still looming off on the horizon and thinks better of it. This world has been kind of awful the last few days.
He won't overwhelm her more, though. Finn's patient. He can wait. ]
[she does need a couple minutes to catch her breath and get the hysterics under control -- at least with company she can force herself to stifle sobs into quieter things.]
Oh, Finn, I...I really messed up... [she sniffs, wiping at her eyes.] I don't think I can, can ever stand to go back if I did! Especially if...if Darin all of a sudden just comes back like nothing ever happened. Gods.
[ He's still very much lost. It sounds like she was dating some guy and they had a falling out or something? He's not going to outwardly assume, though, kind of fearing her wrath a little.
[she sniffs again, waiting a few moments to get her thoughts straight, her expression pained as she rewinds and reviews it. hindsight truly is brutal...]
Well, uh... Darin, right? [sniff.] He--maybe you saw? That awful, white-haired bully beat him near to death, so. So he'd been laid-up for a while, and...and decided to make a project out of, of my room. He asked, I said okay. I don't know. Whatever, right?
[she exhales, rubbing at her temple, shaking her head and looking miserable.]
Finn, it's...it's the nicest, prettiest thing anyone's ever done for me. Ever. And like--I mean. For no reason other than he was, like. [hhh.] "You need a place to be yourself and smile," or whatever. Stuff like that. Just...
[she bristles.] I-I'm not used to that, okay? Getting nice things...just for me. Just--just to make me happy.
[a beat. she gulps.]
Just as I was...starting to believe in it...he vanished. "Ported out"? They call it? Whatever. [she huffs again, blinking out some unnoticed tears.] He's gone. I don't know.
I got mad, I...I broke things in there. It's stupid. I'm stupid, okay? But I...I don't like. Feeling like...like, here. Have this nice thing, shut up. And then be alone. That's so like...like it was back home, with. With my father and everyone. And I didn't even mind back then! I just! Just now, I...I don't...like it. I don't like it anymore. I hate it, actually. And I'm...really dumb.
You're not stupid. [ Finn inched closer to get an arm around her. ] You're not stupid. You value what he did because of him. That's not a dumb feeling to have. I know you feel bad about it, but objects can be fixed. We can fix them if you want to.
And if he comes back all mad because of it, you can just yell at him for leaving and you'll be even, okay?
I can't do that! It wasn't even his fault, it's this, that--the stupid machine, you know? [she manages to push some resentment out in her huff even as she shrinks miserably under the weight of Finn's steadying arm.]
Who goes around breaking nice things the moment they're left alone, anyway?! Stupid, petty children, that's who. Except I never did that the other times I was given nice things and left alone.
[she gulps, needing a few breaths.]
I hate it. I hate it so much I just wanted to scream and not stop, okay? People just...people give me the, the nicest, most undeservedly nice things, and then... poof. Never come back. I'm so sick to death of it! How am I supposed to sleep in a nice room knowing whomever made it is just, just gone, and-and has apparently forgotten all about ever doing it!
[she gives Finn a wide-eyed, despairing look.] Did you know that! People go back and they forget this ever happened! Like! Okay! So what's even the point at all?!
Yeah, I know. [ The answer is quiet, muttered, but he doesn't want to get into that right now. ]
The point's to be happy in the moment and keep the memories after for you both. You broke things because you care Cecelia, because you care about him more than what he left you. That's okay. You're okay.
Sometimes, that's just the only way to get by. You get through today and tomorrow and keep going no matter what, no matter what you need to tell yourself. But that doesn't mean it's not true.
The memory hurts because it was good. In time, when the pain fades, you'll still have that good part.
[ Finn's only ever lived for the moment, tried to push emotions aside just to keep moving. It's only in recent times that he's learning a different way, and he doesn't totally get it so far. ]
But it hurts right now. I know. Things can be fixed, though. Just because you broke some of it doesn't mean that his care wasn't still put into it for you. He'd understand, I think. [ Finn doesn't know him but... probably. ]
[Finn's right. and the worst thing about that is Cecelia knows it, and it doesn't make her feel any better! in fact, it just makes her heart ache more, makes her eyes well up again.
miserably:] I...I can't go back there. Finn, I don't think I could stand it. Not right now!
[she latches on, making a few squeaky, muffled sounds. honestly, it'd figure that Finn would poof into the ether as well right now, but if he has even the barest inkling of it, she'll set the whole place on fire ok!!!
or maybe just cry more. whatever. different means to the same end!
somewhat muffled still:] I didn't bring anything though...
That's okay. You can send someone to go back for your things if you want, or you can borrow whatever I've got. I don't know if you'd want to. I mean, I'm a gross boy, right?
[ He wants to keep asking follow-up questions, make sure everything's okay, but she did just list noise as a problem. So Finn stays quiet and just sits close. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Look. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, I just--I can't be here anymore, I can't, I can't stand it for a second, please. That--when you took me away -- to the forest? Please. You can even just. Just dump me there and leave, I don't care, okay!
no subject
Okay! Yeah, yeah. I can do that. Hold on.
[ Without much more warning, they're being pulled from one place and put into another, pulled then placed, just a few times until it's over and they're standing near the orchard at the base. ]
See? We're here. I'm not gonna dump you either. Was the trip okay? You okay?
no subject
she gulps and tries to stifle herself to just simply shaking in place, blinking out the tears blurring her vision while still clinging to Finn's shirt like a cat stuck in a tree.
speaking of trees. trees.]
Oh... [sniff.] Oh, good. It's-- [so much quieter. thank gods. she wobbles a little before letting Finn go to just sink to the ground like her legs were just suddenly noodles. but goodness do tantrums take a lot out of you!]
no subject
He lowers himself to sit down next to her and doesn't ask no matter how badly he wants to. He really hopes this is nothing and she was just having a really bad day... But he also looks up at the Death Star still looming off on the horizon and thinks better of it. This world has been kind of awful the last few days.
He won't overwhelm her more, though. Finn's patient. He can wait. ]
no subject
Oh, Finn, I...I really messed up... [she sniffs, wiping at her eyes.] I don't think I can, can ever stand to go back if I did! Especially if...if Darin all of a sudden just comes back like nothing ever happened. Gods.
no subject
But he really gets feeling guilty about things. ]
What did you do?
no subject
Well, uh... Darin, right? [sniff.] He--maybe you saw? That awful, white-haired bully beat him near to death, so. So he'd been laid-up for a while, and...and decided to make a project out of, of my room. He asked, I said okay. I don't know. Whatever, right?
[she exhales, rubbing at her temple, shaking her head and looking miserable.]
Finn, it's...it's the nicest, prettiest thing anyone's ever done for me. Ever. And like--I mean. For no reason other than he was, like. [hhh.] "You need a place to be yourself and smile," or whatever. Stuff like that. Just...
[she bristles.] I-I'm not used to that, okay? Getting nice things...just for me. Just--just to make me happy.
[a beat. she gulps.]
Just as I was...starting to believe in it...he vanished. "Ported out"? They call it? Whatever. [she huffs again, blinking out some unnoticed tears.] He's gone. I don't know.
I got mad, I...I broke things in there. It's stupid. I'm stupid, okay? But I...I don't like. Feeling like...like, here. Have this nice thing, shut up. And then be alone. That's so like...like it was back home, with. With my father and everyone. And I didn't even mind back then! I just! Just now, I...I don't...like it. I don't like it anymore. I hate it, actually. And I'm...really dumb.
no subject
You're not stupid. [ Finn inched closer to get an arm around her. ] You're not stupid. You value what he did because of him. That's not a dumb feeling to have. I know you feel bad about it, but objects can be fixed. We can fix them if you want to.
And if he comes back all mad because of it, you can just yell at him for leaving and you'll be even, okay?
no subject
Who goes around breaking nice things the moment they're left alone, anyway?! Stupid, petty children, that's who. Except I never did that the other times I was given nice things and left alone.
[she gulps, needing a few breaths.]
I hate it. I hate it so much I just wanted to scream and not stop, okay? People just...people give me the, the nicest, most undeservedly nice things, and then... poof. Never come back. I'm so sick to death of it! How am I supposed to sleep in a nice room knowing whomever made it is just, just gone, and-and has apparently forgotten all about ever doing it!
[she gives Finn a wide-eyed, despairing look.] Did you know that! People go back and they forget this ever happened! Like! Okay! So what's even the point at all?!
no subject
The point's to be happy in the moment and keep the memories after for you both. You broke things because you care Cecelia, because you care about him more than what he left you. That's okay. You're okay.
no subject
That sort of thing...sounds better in fiction than practice, Finn. [lonely sentiments hurt less when it's make-believe.]
no subject
Sometimes, that's just the only way to get by. You get through today and tomorrow and keep going no matter what, no matter what you need to tell yourself. But that doesn't mean it's not true.
The memory hurts because it was good. In time, when the pain fades, you'll still have that good part.
[ Finn's only ever lived for the moment, tried to push emotions aside just to keep moving. It's only in recent times that he's learning a different way, and he doesn't totally get it so far. ]
But it hurts right now. I know. Things can be fixed, though. Just because you broke some of it doesn't mean that his care wasn't still put into it for you. He'd understand, I think. [ Finn doesn't know him but... probably. ]
no subject
miserably:] I...I can't go back there. Finn, I don't think I could stand it. Not right now!
no subject
That's okay. You don't have to right now. If you want, you can stay here for however long you need. Poe won't mind.
no subject
or maybe just cry more. whatever. different means to the same end!
somewhat muffled still:] I didn't bring anything though...
no subject
[ Trying to make her smile? Failing? ]
We can buy you new things? [ Helping? ]
no subject
O-okay. I still have. Money, I think.
no subject
no subject
Not...not right now, no. All the people and...noise. [she rubs her forehead.] No, just. Let me stay here for a bit? Sorry. I'll lie low.
no subject
[ He wants to keep asking follow-up questions, make sure everything's okay, but she did just list noise as a problem. So Finn stays quiet and just sits close. ]